note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
