I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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