apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
