Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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