You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
please don't ironically join a cult
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
