Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
