FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
