So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
