All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
