Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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