I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
