Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
