my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
