don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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