So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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