you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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