He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
