I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
