Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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