I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
