I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
