just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
People with herpes should wear stickers.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
