friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
