I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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