when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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