Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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