I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
