boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
COCAINE IS GR8
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