My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
