I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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