im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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