tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
