no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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