the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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