just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
