Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
