Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
