im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
