he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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