just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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