my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
