More tranny stories later!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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