He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
