So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
