I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
accomplished twins. life is a go
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
