Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
