How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
