we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
