why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
