I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I came so hard my ears popped.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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