I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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