4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
