Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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