and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
